Don’t Forget To Lift Your Feet When You Land

My sister is on a plane at this very moment, flying back from Canada, and just before her plane took off, I sent her a text to this effect:

“Don’t forget to lift thine pieds.”

(which is our mixed concoction of Modern English, Middle English, and French–we do this all the time for no other reason, than it’s funny.)

And it made me laugh, because I know that, should the FBI come across that text, they may arrest me for suspicion of conspiracy against the airline–or something of that nature. In other words, to anyone outside my immediate family, I’m talking utter nonsense. And yes, this blog is definitely all about nonsense, but I won’t leave you in the dark on this one–well, not completely, anyway (you may still wonder about my sanity, and that’s okay).

“Don’t forget to lift your feet,” is not referring to the take-off, or the flight itself. It’s in reference to the landing. In other words, “Don’t forget to lift your feet when you land.”

I’m sure you all have millions of questions, so let me explain:

I’m not sure how old I was at the time, but on one of our many family vacations–probably to visit my dad’s parents in Texas–we were sitting over the wings (the place my dad always insists on sitting because he says it’s the safest place to be, should the plane crash–nice flying mantra, right?), and we heard the wheels come down right before we landed. They made that ERRRRRRRRRCH noise as they popped out from their secret trap door beneath the plane.

Anyway, my dad said, “Yep, and there go the wheels.”–meaning, the pilots remembered to put the wheels down–not that the wheels had fallen off (thank goodness, though that thought probably went through my mind at the time).

And then, it occurred to me to ask, “what would actually happen if the pilot forgot to put the wheels down?”

And the answer I received was, “Well, the bottom of the plane would probably burn off in the landing.”

I looked down at my feet, and thought, well if that happens, I don’t want it to burn my feet off!

So, from that flight forward, My sister and I began the tradition of lifting our feet as the plane lands–you know… just in case. And every time we fly somewhere, we remind each other to do so.

Now I would like to urge all of you–for the sake of keeping your feet intact–to please remember to “lift thine pieds” every time you fly. And, if you’re sitting next to me on a flight, you won’t have to wonder, “What on Earth is that girl doing with her feet in the air?”

Playtime’s Over, Sammy, Dear!

PLAYTIME’S OVER, SAMMY, DEAR!

 

Oh goodness gracious, Sammy, dear,

It’s the worst mess I’ve ever seen!

Whatever have you done in here?

 

There’ll be no snack ’til it gets clean.

Go get the bucket and the mop.

It’s the worst mess I’ve ever seen!

 

Wherever did you find this slop?

Even the walls are caked in goo!

Go get the bucket and the mop.

 

Oh, great! You’re gum’s stuck to my shoe!

And every fixture wears your sludge.

Even the walls are caked in goo!

 

You’d better wipe down every smudge

Clean up that egg, and wipe the lights!

For every fixture wears your sludge.

 

Just how’d you think you had the rights?

Oh, goodness gracious, Sammy dear,

Clean up that egg, and wipe the lights!

Whatever have you done in here?





Let’s just hope this isn’t YOUR house. :) haha! Have a wonderful, gunk-free, Friday!








Parting Blue And A Little Something Ghastly…

The paperback version of Parting Blue is available now!!! And I couldn’t be more pleased with the result. The end product looks beauteous, if I do say so myself (Check out the Books In Print page for an excerpt). It can now be purchased at CreateSpace, or Amazon. If you own a Kindle, and you have a Prime membership through Amazon, you can now borrow my book on your kindle for free!!! (though be forewarned about the terrible formatting on the Kindle–the paperback version is fantastic, though, so I’m not forewarning about that one–and yes, I’m still working on the kindle version. I’m hoping to have it fixed by the end of the month). And feel free to leave me a comment or two.

I’m also a listed author on Goodreads now!! Whoop Whoop! So if you have a goodreads account, and feel like stopping by to say hello, please do! And by all means, if you’re reading my book, add it to your collection! And feel free to give me feedback! I’d love it, even if you tell me it’s absolutely the worst book you’ve ever read, ever! That’s what Meeshtar would tell me–I mean, considering it’s not HIS book, after all. He wants me to publish that one. But it has a little work to do still–though it’s coming along quite nicely, and I really think everyone will be truly pleased with it when I’m done.

I’m getting ready to go to New York City in a few days for SCBWI’s National Writer’s Conference. So, it won’t happen this month, but starting next month, keep an eye on my blogs and my website, because I will hopefully have some live events coming up.

And now, I’m about to admit to something ghastly. (As Meeshtar would say) I’ve  never–in all my thirty-plus-seven years of life–ever done something this geeky before! I’m afraid to have to inform you that yours truly actually entered two poems into a (a-hem…) Neopets (Oh man, I’m so embarrassed) poetry competition. I haven’t heard back yet (though I check my neo-mail account every day, at least ten times, hoping for a response). But I’m hoping at least one of the poems–namely “Petpet’s Dilemma,” will be published on their site, as it’s quite funny. But I guess, it may not be so funny if you don’t know a darned thing about Neopets, and… well… I’m afraid that I spend WAY too much time on there. I practically live on Neopets.

Oh man. Now I’ve admitted too much. 
Though I didn’t inform you that I actually have a neohome on Mystery Island. I take part in the Altador Cup every single year. And I visit the Island Mystic every day to get my fortune (today’s was “You will be chased by legions of rampaging Nimmos.” I guess I had better be on the lookout, then!) Oh, and did I mention that I have a Safety Deposit Box so full of neojunk from the money tree, that I actually received the “Packrat” avatar? It takes at least 1000 unique items to get that. And I scrounged and pinched and saved up neopoints for months on end–literally enough months to constitute a near decade–to buy a Gallion for my Ogrin, and now that a few years have passed, you’d think the stupid Gallion would be worth more than I bought it for–considering it’s rare status and all–but… well, I payed 165,000 neopoints for it, and it now only costs 18,000. What a waste of my life! Do you know how many trips through the Ice Cream Machine it took to get all those neopoints? Good lord. I don’t want to know.



In any case, if I don’t end up getting one, or both (or any for that matter), of those poems published on Neopets, then I will post them on here for your giggling pleasure. In the meantime, give my poems a “Whoop Whoop” and maybe toss a few turnips at your neighbor for luck. Just don’t accidentally smack them in the head, or they may get violent. We’re not on Planet Meowse, after all. But–check beneath your kitchen cabinet, because you never know. That turbaned Meowse may be lurking in your walls, waiting to catch your cat in his trap! Maybe you can snap a photo of him with his turban slipping over his eye, put the photo on e-bay, and make a few bucks! Ok… I’m tired. It’s past dinner time and I think my brain’s going all wooblie on me–and yes, I think I just made that word up. Use it. It will get you brownie points.

On a more normal note, Valentines Day is Friday, and I will have “Dark-Side-of-Love” goodies for ya, so stop on by! Till then, have a wonderful evening!!! And if you decide to partake in Neo-nonsense, be mindful of the Skeith. He’s kinda angry cuz I owe him a bunch of neopoints.

Caroline Has Self-Published Her First Poetry Book!

IT’S OFFICIAL! 
Paperback Version (Coming Soon)

I have published my first poetry book, Parting Blue! It’s currently available on the Kindle for $7.50 (though I’m still working out kinks, so if you purchase it, expect updates, as the formatting is a bit off throughout. I designed it for the Kindle Fire, because that’s the only option they gave me, but it looks shoddy on the iPad and the regular kindle right now. I’m hoping to fix that soon). But, if you wait a little longer, I will also have a paperback version of the book available on Amazon (among other places) for $12.50. I’m waiting for the company to proof it, then send me an e-mail to go ahead and publish it. So, I should hopefully have it up by tomorrow night.

If you are an avid follower of my blog, you will recognize many, if not all, of the twenty poems in the book. Most of them (save two) have appeared here at one time or another. But, in the book version, they are accompanied by full-color photographs taken by (ahem) yours truly. Hehe! The book is broken into three shades of blue:

1) Ice Water & Ocean Blue Dust

2) Midnight Blue: A Ghostly Hue

3) Living Turquoise Prayers

The twenty poems include some of my favorites to date: “Of Waterfalls & Eyes,” “Nightmare America,” “Riptide,” “The Tenant,” “One October Morning,” and “Oh, Phooey!”
Oh, and the best part? If you are an Amazon Prime member, you can “borrow” my book free!! If you’re not a Kindle owner, don’t worry. After my 90 day contract with Amazon ends, I will be uploading it for other e-readers as well.
Kindle Version
So now I can actually say “I’m published” and mean it! I mean, I had one poem previously published, and I publish all the time on my blog, but now I actually have a book available! :) WHOOP WHOOP! Now, if only I can get Meeshtar’s Adventures off and running–though that one I really want to have published traditionally. So that’s going to take some time.
Anyhow, thought I’d share the good news! I will let you all know when my print version is available. Until then, enjoy the Kindle version, and if you get a chance, rate it on Amazon and leave me a comment or two. I’d love to hear from you!
Take care and have a wonderful afternoon!

THE TENANT

THE ROOMMATE

Her corpse hath risen from the dead
The grave’s no place to lie her head
She came to live with me instead

She slumbers in her morning lace
Then through the night, the grounds she’ll pace
So I wear garlic just in case

Her skin is rotting off, I swear
Can see the flakes caked in her hair
I hope she keeps it in her lair

Her decomposing-carcass-scent
Comes wafting down the hallway vent
I guess, at least, she’s paying rent

~ by Caroline Adele O’Brien

OH PHOOEY

what’s the sky’s limit these days?
the midnight song with old american walking stick
linger longer in the sunshine meadow anyway & conk

out with these broken body parts?
I broke my toe but it’s alright the noggin’ still works
waiting for all limbs to rot off fall off break in

alpha dox para dox sing song lamb & cry?
the beak squeaks & peaks to shriek its weakling tweet
thru noses in the midnight moonlight starlight flight tho

didn’t the wind take it along when it wisped?
lapped in danced shadows up the morning milk
with the cat in the tree eating sun colored pea singing

oooo shoobee doobee its a shame no?
to lose one’s toe is nay but a minor setback
out with these ol’ body parts these limbs but

what souls count in this drifting wood?
the ones that float that’s all my sly
schieving friend thats all is it

out with the old toe before or after this show starts?
what god gave us is defective we need more
plastic to pull through the whiney years so

what’s the sky’s limit, then, jack?
oh phooey ya old gooey gumshoe host you
didn’cha ever hang nuthin’ from the nail on that toe?

~by Caroline Adele O’Brien

Old Dr. Shinkle and the Mice

Here is a poem I wrote about fifteen years ago. It was originally going to appear in my book, Ruba and the Adventures of Chop Poppin’ Slops & Co., but it’s since been removed, due to the fact that it has absolutely nothing to do with the plot. So, rather than toss it completely, I thought I’d share it with y’all!

OLD DR. SHINKLE AND THE MICE

Old and sad was Dr. Shinkle,
His legs would often stall.
He owned no skin without a wrinkle,
And had no sense at all.

To find new meaning in his life,
Shinkle forged a ride.
He built a cannon out of strife
And trickled down inside.

Dr. Shinkle touched his hat
And shot into the air.
Mrs. Shinkle flinched at that,
And shuddered in despair.

Shinkle hung from chandeliers
Like cheese upon the chin,
To waver in the sunlight, there,
And watch the ceiling spin.

From that height, he saw a mouse
Abandoning his kin.
And since they lacked a cozy house,
He welcomed them all in.

Mrs. Shinkle grabbed a broom
And ran about the house,
Cursing with the voice of doom
To frighten every mouse.

Shinkle shook the chandelier,
His arms so strong and stout,
It tumbled down, quite like a spear,
And knocked his good wife out.

With this new peace, the mice did find
A hole within the wall.
They sealed it with a melon rind
And happy they were all.

~ by Caroline Adele O’Brien